They says eyes are the windows to the soul
But girl I think you should know
That your dark alluring eyes
Have been compromised
And that you kisses let me know
Your eyes may tell me to go
But your hands are begging me to stay
Your heart beats faster
While your breath stays even
Trust me baby I'm not ever leaving
They say eyes are the windows to the soul
But then again what do they know
I've never loved another like you
Lost in love never knowing what to do
No matter the distance
The time or the places
Nothing will ever fill this hole
Because baby I know
Your eyes will always see to my soul
Saturday, December 9, 2017
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Is there ever an easy path?
I feel like no matter what path I take, I'm screwed. If I try to reach out, I fear she will run instead of realizing who we are and what we could be.
If I say nothing then I just keep everything inside me and honestly it hurts.
If I flat out ignore that I need and want her in my life, then I am doing us both the biggest disservice of all and I don't want her to think that I don't care.
It's truly terrifying trying to figure out what is best. I know with every fiber of my being that she belongs in my life. There is a hole that only she can fill.
Why is nothing ever easy? Yes I know the things/people worth fighting for are never easy, but for once I wish it would be. A sign, her coming to me, a mutual hope. Something.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
If you could change it, would you?
It's the age old question and one that has been swirling around in my head for days. I think of it all even the worst most painful parts. Some times it keeps me up at night. Constantly bombarding my brain.
My answer is yes, if I could change it, get a 3rd chance. Refuse to give up and hash it all out. I would. Some people are just worth that. No matter the friendship, time, distance.
My anw
My answer is yes, if I could change it, get a 3rd chance. Refuse to give up and hash it all out. I would. Some people are just worth that. No matter the friendship, time, distance.
My anw
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Snow Angel, a Kat and Q short
The first snow fall in the East Village had always felt like magic being showered down from above. The snow would lightly drift unto the dirty side walks while the people and traffic bustled around it. For Kat and Q, it was more than just snow, it was tradition.
Since becoming friends in what often felt like another lifetime, the two roommates had a first snow fall tradition. While everyone was scattering to avoid the cold snowy evening, Kat and Q would bundle themselves up and head out for the evening and this evening was no different.
After coats, hats, and gloves were placed onto body parts in anticipation of the cold that would meet them at the door, Kat and Q braved the swirling snow and slight gusts of wind to head to Fiore for their annual first snow dinner. There was something they both loved about sitting in comfortable silence, eating their pasta dishes, and watching the snow causes havoc outside.
The next stop was always to their favorite dive bar aptly named Hole in the Wall. The decor was minimal, there were no tables to sit at, just some stools lined up against the long bar; but the drinks were cheap and the clientele were all locals. No yappy tourists here.
Kat had her usual rum and coke while Q drank whatever beer was cheap and on tap. They chatted with the bar tenders they knew as well as fellow patrons willing to brave the weather for a pint. After half an hour, both women said goodnight to their fellow snow bunnies, rebundled, and headed back into the snow.
The snow had gone from simply falling to sticking to the ground creating a tiny winter wonderland around them. Although the walk home from the bar was not long, it had started to become a bit treacherous. Q, ever the protector, grabbed Kat's hand in the hopes that together they could remain upright in spots that had become slick.
After a few blocks of sliding, stomping, and walking along the snowy sidewalks, Kat and Q were standing outside their apartment. Q, feeling overheated from the drink, walk, and close proximity of Kat; slowly let go of Kat's hand because she thought the threat of falling was over. She was wrong.
The minute Q turned to walk to the apartment door and unlock it, it happened. One minute Q was standing, key in hand. The next she was lying on her back staring up at the dark sky while snow flakes gently landed on her face.
Kat's first reaction was to laugh, but she hid her smirk and turned to make sure Q was okay. However, upon inspection, she noticed that Q was not only fine, but turning lemons into lemonade. There, laying in the snowy sidewalk, was an angel. Well Q making a snow angel any way. Kat couldn't help herself any longer and let out a few giggles. "Think that's funny?" Q asked. "Then maybe you should join me" Q said while reaching up to grab Kat's right arm. With a tug that caught Kat completely off guard, Q has successfully brought Kat to the ground next to her.
After getting over her bout of laughter, Kat proceeded to join Q is making a snow angel. The friends laid there enjoying a simple pleasure of making snow angels by moving their arms and legs in and out, up and down. All of a sudden, Kat's left arm went a little too high and wide catching Q in the side of the face.
Q was sure she was seeing stars. The hit had caught her in the jaw causing Q to stop making an angel and clutch a gloved hand at her jaw instead. Kat immediately sat up and moved closer to inspect Q's face. "Q? Q, are you okay?" Kat asked with apparent worry in her voice. "Mmhhfrs" came the reply.
Slowly and delicately, Kat moved Q's hand away from her jaw so she could look it over and make sure she was okay.
Kat, needing to assess the damage, took her gloves off and slowly ran her hands over and around Q's jaw. Q's heart was beating a mile a minute. No longer did she feel the pain in her jaw for it had be replaced by desire in her chest. Kat looked at Q for a long moment all the while her hands had steadied themselves on Q's cheeks. It felt like all time had stopped. Q wasn't sure whether to get up or stay put. The next thing she feels is Kat's breath so painstakingly closer to hers. "Kat I..." Q managed to get out before Kat's soft lips are upon hers. Q could feel every fiber of her being wake up when Kat's lips had brushed against hers. After a moment, that feeling was gone, replaced with the dusting of snow lightly hitting her lips.
Q sat up to say something to Kat, but she has wordlessly grabbed the key to their apartment off the cold ground and went inside.
Since becoming friends in what often felt like another lifetime, the two roommates had a first snow fall tradition. While everyone was scattering to avoid the cold snowy evening, Kat and Q would bundle themselves up and head out for the evening and this evening was no different.
After coats, hats, and gloves were placed onto body parts in anticipation of the cold that would meet them at the door, Kat and Q braved the swirling snow and slight gusts of wind to head to Fiore for their annual first snow dinner. There was something they both loved about sitting in comfortable silence, eating their pasta dishes, and watching the snow causes havoc outside.
The next stop was always to their favorite dive bar aptly named Hole in the Wall. The decor was minimal, there were no tables to sit at, just some stools lined up against the long bar; but the drinks were cheap and the clientele were all locals. No yappy tourists here.
Kat had her usual rum and coke while Q drank whatever beer was cheap and on tap. They chatted with the bar tenders they knew as well as fellow patrons willing to brave the weather for a pint. After half an hour, both women said goodnight to their fellow snow bunnies, rebundled, and headed back into the snow.
The snow had gone from simply falling to sticking to the ground creating a tiny winter wonderland around them. Although the walk home from the bar was not long, it had started to become a bit treacherous. Q, ever the protector, grabbed Kat's hand in the hopes that together they could remain upright in spots that had become slick.
After a few blocks of sliding, stomping, and walking along the snowy sidewalks, Kat and Q were standing outside their apartment. Q, feeling overheated from the drink, walk, and close proximity of Kat; slowly let go of Kat's hand because she thought the threat of falling was over. She was wrong.
The minute Q turned to walk to the apartment door and unlock it, it happened. One minute Q was standing, key in hand. The next she was lying on her back staring up at the dark sky while snow flakes gently landed on her face.
Kat's first reaction was to laugh, but she hid her smirk and turned to make sure Q was okay. However, upon inspection, she noticed that Q was not only fine, but turning lemons into lemonade. There, laying in the snowy sidewalk, was an angel. Well Q making a snow angel any way. Kat couldn't help herself any longer and let out a few giggles. "Think that's funny?" Q asked. "Then maybe you should join me" Q said while reaching up to grab Kat's right arm. With a tug that caught Kat completely off guard, Q has successfully brought Kat to the ground next to her.
After getting over her bout of laughter, Kat proceeded to join Q is making a snow angel. The friends laid there enjoying a simple pleasure of making snow angels by moving their arms and legs in and out, up and down. All of a sudden, Kat's left arm went a little too high and wide catching Q in the side of the face.
Q was sure she was seeing stars. The hit had caught her in the jaw causing Q to stop making an angel and clutch a gloved hand at her jaw instead. Kat immediately sat up and moved closer to inspect Q's face. "Q? Q, are you okay?" Kat asked with apparent worry in her voice. "Mmhhfrs" came the reply.
Slowly and delicately, Kat moved Q's hand away from her jaw so she could look it over and make sure she was okay.
Kat, needing to assess the damage, took her gloves off and slowly ran her hands over and around Q's jaw. Q's heart was beating a mile a minute. No longer did she feel the pain in her jaw for it had be replaced by desire in her chest. Kat looked at Q for a long moment all the while her hands had steadied themselves on Q's cheeks. It felt like all time had stopped. Q wasn't sure whether to get up or stay put. The next thing she feels is Kat's breath so painstakingly closer to hers. "Kat I..." Q managed to get out before Kat's soft lips are upon hers. Q could feel every fiber of her being wake up when Kat's lips had brushed against hers. After a moment, that feeling was gone, replaced with the dusting of snow lightly hitting her lips.
Q sat up to say something to Kat, but she has wordlessly grabbed the key to their apartment off the cold ground and went inside.
Friday, October 9, 2015
The Misadventures of Kat and Q - Updated 10/10/15
The Warehouse
"You're so beautiful. Give the world a show." Q sang at the top of her lungs as the water cascaded down her soapy body. "You're never going to give the world a show if you don't get out of the shower and get ready" came the muffled shout of Q's roommate Kat. It was Saturday night and the girls were getting ready to go dancing at the Warehouse.
Kat was a junior radio ad exec that used the weekends to blow off steam and de-stress. Q, on the other hand, was more of a drifter in life. Sure she had a college degree, but she was much happier taking on whatever job tickled her fancy at that particular moment in time. Currently she worked at a small coffee shop around the corner from their apartment in the East Village.
Stepping out of the steamy shower, Q quickly toweled off and ran some gel through her shoulder length hair. Knowing that Kat would be on her case again soon, Q made quick work of getting dressed. Throwing on a pair of low rise faded blue jeans and black vee neck t-shirt, Q did one last quick look in the mirror before dashing to her bedroom to throw on her boots. As Q rounded the corner from her bedroom to the living area, she finally looked up to see Kat standing before her looking radiant as ever. The soft green shirt complemented Kat's soulful eyes, the acid washed jeans hugging her in all the right places, and of course her scuffed well worn Chucks on her feet. It was enough to make Q's throat go dry and her pulse to race. "Ready Q?" asked Kat breaking her out of her reverie. Not trusting her voice all Q could do was nod and follow Kat out the door.
The night air was crisp, but comfortable making the walk to the club enjoyable. As the roommates approached the large square brick building, Kat slowed her pace. "Q it's going to be loud when we get in there, so I am saying this to you now, try not to be a wall flower." "It's more like a barstool." Q shot back with a small smirk on her face. "Ha funny Q you know what I mean. Now come on, I want to get my dance on." With that Kat grabbed Q's hand and led her to the bouncer. After having their IDs checked and their hands stamped, the two girls entered The Warehouse.
The Warehouse is what you would expect. It was literally an old warehouse turned into one of the lower East Sides most popular lesbian night clubs. They were barely through the glass double doors and Kat was already making her way to the dance floor. Q, despite her roommate's request, headed to the bar and sat down at one of the few free stools.
"Hey Q! What can I get you?" asked Betty from behind the bar. "The usual please." Q shouted back. The DJ tonight was spinning some great beats and Q felt her tapping her right foot along to the music. "Kat here tonight?" Betty asked as she returned with Q's Jack and Coke. Q simply pointed to the center of the dance floor where Kat was dancing away with a pretty blonde. Kat never had a shortage of women to dance with, but who could blame those women. Kat was the flame to a lot of moths and why shouldn't she be. She was 5'6", slender build, a casual beauty with perky breasts, toned abs, and the cutest butt Q has ever had the pleasure to know.
"Q! Earth to Q!" Betty called while gently grasping Q's elbow. Q broke her gaze and returned her attention to Betty. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel already?" "Because,' Q shouted to be heard over the thumping bass. "She deserves better than someone like me. I would only let her down." "If you continue to live in the world of self doubt, you'll never know,' Betty shouted back. "Now get off my bar stool and go dance with her already." Q grumbled under her breath about Betty being a know it all, but reluctantly got up and worked her way through the throngs of women to Kat.
"Glad to see you out here,' Kat yelled in Q's ear while pulling her closer by her belt loops and proceeding to sway to the music. The next few hours were a blur. All Q could remember were the drinks followed by dancing and more drinks. While Kat danced with the women who approached her, she made sure to keep Q within sight knowing that she would make a beeline for a stool if given the chance. At one point, Kat screamed something about her favorite song, grabbed Q by the waist and proceeded to grind on her. Not realizing the whole of the situation, Q let the music take her over and the feel of Kat's skin upon hers was almost too much. "God I love you,' Q let out in a whoosh of desire and intoxication. "What?" Kat shouted over the music. Q's hazy alcohol brain snapped back to reality. Oh what had she done. Q stepped back to judge Kat's face. Her eyes were gleaming and sweat was glistening under the dance floor lights, but the look on her face was one of earnest and clearly she had not heard Q. "I said God I love this song!" "Oh me too." Kat replied back. "It's almost close. Ready to head out?" Q asked. Kat nodded her head and the two headed for the doors, but not before Q gave a small wave to Betty who mouthed back 'Tell her.'
The night air had gotten slightly cooler, but it felt great to Q who had spent half the night pushed close to Kat her body throbbing at the casual touches they shared while dancing to song after song. Q had taken about ten steps when she realized Kat was no longer by her side. Panic started to overtake Q and she quickly whipped around to see Kat leaning against the side of the building. "You okay?" Q asked gently. "Yeah, this wall is helping me stay upright,' Kat replied while lightly slapping the bricks with her hand. Q should have known better. This happens a lot when they go dancing. Kat may be a lot of things, but a heavy drinker she was not.
"Come on lightweight,' Q lightly jabbed while placing one arm around Kat's waist and slowly walking back to their apartment. The walk home took longer than the walk to the Warehouse, but Q didn't mind. She would do anything for Kat and making sure she got home safe was her current goal. Once the got back to their building, Q placed Kat against the wall, fumbled for her keys, and finally managed to get the door unlocked. After getting Kat through the door, up the three floors (thank god for elevators) and into the apartment Q was ready to hit the sheets.
Q walked Kat to her room where the taller girl flopped into bed not even bothering to take off her shoes. Q took off the left shoe for her and then the right. Placing the Chucks by the bed, Q stood up about to make an exit for her own room and bed when Kat stopped her in her tracks with the touch of her soft hand upon Q's. "Thanks for getting me home safe,' Kat said with a small slur in her voice and she interlocked her fingers with Q's. "You're the best,' she continued as she lazily drew patterns on Q's interlocked hand with her thumb. Q felt like a deer caught in headlights. She didn't know whether to stay or make a mad dash for her room. It was almost too much for her heart to take. Kat was drunk and they were just friend, roommates right? Q sighed, unlocked their hands, and tucked Kat into bed. "Night." "Night Q." Kat whispered before letting sleep wash over her.
Q slowly walked to her room, undressed, threw on an old t-shirt and a pair of boxers before warily climbing into bed and replaying the events of the night. All Q could do was think of Kat's body pressed against hers as the danced, the beauty and playfulness in her eyes as she enjoyed one song after the next. It was almost too much. Jumping out of bed, Q headed to the shower allowing the water to calm her fiery nerves and jumbled heart before she too found the solace of sleep and the promise of another day.
Lazy Sundays
Q loved lazy Sundays. They were the perfect companion to follow drunk Saturdays. Sleep until noon, stay in comfy sweats, watch movies. It was a small piece of heaven without having to leave the apartment. Kat, on the other hand, was up and at the gym by nine, then a run to clear her foggy head. She was the ying to Q's yang. This Sunday was no different.
Q stretched lazily before rolling out of her empty king sized bed. It wasn't as if she couldn't get a girlfriend. In fact she had quite a few lately: the quirky librarian, the drummer obsessed with cooking shows, the dancer...oh the flexible dancer...but none of them felt right. None of them felt like...
"Home,' she heard Kat call out from the front door. Q had just put on a pot of coffee and had turned to ask Kat how her run was when she found herself unable to speak. Kat's toned skin still had a soft sheen of sweat on it, her ponytail was a bit chaotic, and she had a leaf stuck on the shoulder of her workout shirt. Q gently reached out and pulled the leaf away twirling it in her hand like it was the most fascinating thing she had ever laid her eyes on. When she finally looked back up, Kat was looking at her with a bemused smile. "I am going to change into something more comfy. Pour me a cup would ya? You know how I like it." Kat said giving a small smile and then turning toward her room.
A few minutes later, there were two cups of hot coffee ready and waiting on the end table next to the couch. Q moved to the small dvd collection she had stacked next to the TV. Carefully she debated with herself on which movie was going to make the cut on this particular lazy Sunday. Q had just picked up the movie when she heard Kat walk up behind her and settle on the couch. "So what did you pick?" Kat asked while sipping on her coffee. Q turned around to show Kat her pick. "Clue again, really?" Kat asked. Q was about to come back with a sarcastic reply, but stopped short when she noticed Kat's choice in sweatshirt. "Are you wearing my favorite sweatshirt?" Q asked. "Yeah, I thought I would stay in and watch a movie with you and this sweatshirt is so soft. Is, uh, that okay?" Kat asked while setting her empty coffee cup back on the end table. Q didn't answer right away, too consumed drinking in the sight of her roommate wearing her sweatshirt. Snapping out of it, Q quickly assured her it was fine and turned to put the dvd into the player.
If an outsider were watching this lazy Sunday unfold, the first thing they would notice is how tightly Q hugged the other side of the couch. What was supposed to be relaxing looked more like some form of torture. Q grabbed a blanket to create a buffer, but instead Kat grabbed the other end throwing it over her lap. So much for space thought Q. As the movie started to play, Q slowly started to unwind and soon started lip synching the lines. This was her favorite movie after all. "Are you lip synching the lines?' Kat asked with a giggle. All Q could do was shoot a crooked smile Kat's way, but Kat wouldn't let it go. "Goof,' she said and lightly poked Q in the ribs. Q grabbed Kat's hand in an effort to make the poking stop and the next thing she knew Kat had managed to intertwine their fingers. Q didn't know what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to disengage, but her heart didn't ever want her to let go. She looked over to see Kat had turned her attention back to the movie, but left her hand softly pressed together with Q's. That's the way they stayed until the last credit rolled.
"Thanks for the blanket, movie, and coffee. I can see why you love your lazy Sundays so much.' Kat said before looking up at the clock hanging above the television. "Shit, I have to go get ready. Thanks again for letting me borrow your sweatshirt." And with that, the warmth of Kat's hand was gone replaced by a longing Q couldn't comprehend.
Twenty minutes later Kat was on her way out the door looking stunning and Q couldn't help the sense of jealousy that washed over her knowing that it was all for someone else. Q decided that maybe a nap would help her forget the feeling of perfection in her hand for that one glorious hour. Getting up from the couch, Q trudged back to her room only to find a green lump on her bed. Her favorite sweatshirt. Picking up the sweatshirt, Q brought it to her nose. It smelled of Kat. She sighed, took off the shirt she had on and put on the sweatshirt. Enveloped in Kat's aroma, Q laid down on her bed, pretended Kat's arms were firmly holding her tight, and drifted off to sleep.
"You're so beautiful. Give the world a show." Q sang at the top of her lungs as the water cascaded down her soapy body. "You're never going to give the world a show if you don't get out of the shower and get ready" came the muffled shout of Q's roommate Kat. It was Saturday night and the girls were getting ready to go dancing at the Warehouse.
Kat was a junior radio ad exec that used the weekends to blow off steam and de-stress. Q, on the other hand, was more of a drifter in life. Sure she had a college degree, but she was much happier taking on whatever job tickled her fancy at that particular moment in time. Currently she worked at a small coffee shop around the corner from their apartment in the East Village.
Stepping out of the steamy shower, Q quickly toweled off and ran some gel through her shoulder length hair. Knowing that Kat would be on her case again soon, Q made quick work of getting dressed. Throwing on a pair of low rise faded blue jeans and black vee neck t-shirt, Q did one last quick look in the mirror before dashing to her bedroom to throw on her boots. As Q rounded the corner from her bedroom to the living area, she finally looked up to see Kat standing before her looking radiant as ever. The soft green shirt complemented Kat's soulful eyes, the acid washed jeans hugging her in all the right places, and of course her scuffed well worn Chucks on her feet. It was enough to make Q's throat go dry and her pulse to race. "Ready Q?" asked Kat breaking her out of her reverie. Not trusting her voice all Q could do was nod and follow Kat out the door.
The night air was crisp, but comfortable making the walk to the club enjoyable. As the roommates approached the large square brick building, Kat slowed her pace. "Q it's going to be loud when we get in there, so I am saying this to you now, try not to be a wall flower." "It's more like a barstool." Q shot back with a small smirk on her face. "Ha funny Q you know what I mean. Now come on, I want to get my dance on." With that Kat grabbed Q's hand and led her to the bouncer. After having their IDs checked and their hands stamped, the two girls entered The Warehouse.
The Warehouse is what you would expect. It was literally an old warehouse turned into one of the lower East Sides most popular lesbian night clubs. They were barely through the glass double doors and Kat was already making her way to the dance floor. Q, despite her roommate's request, headed to the bar and sat down at one of the few free stools.
"Hey Q! What can I get you?" asked Betty from behind the bar. "The usual please." Q shouted back. The DJ tonight was spinning some great beats and Q felt her tapping her right foot along to the music. "Kat here tonight?" Betty asked as she returned with Q's Jack and Coke. Q simply pointed to the center of the dance floor where Kat was dancing away with a pretty blonde. Kat never had a shortage of women to dance with, but who could blame those women. Kat was the flame to a lot of moths and why shouldn't she be. She was 5'6", slender build, a casual beauty with perky breasts, toned abs, and the cutest butt Q has ever had the pleasure to know.
"Q! Earth to Q!" Betty called while gently grasping Q's elbow. Q broke her gaze and returned her attention to Betty. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel already?" "Because,' Q shouted to be heard over the thumping bass. "She deserves better than someone like me. I would only let her down." "If you continue to live in the world of self doubt, you'll never know,' Betty shouted back. "Now get off my bar stool and go dance with her already." Q grumbled under her breath about Betty being a know it all, but reluctantly got up and worked her way through the throngs of women to Kat.
"Glad to see you out here,' Kat yelled in Q's ear while pulling her closer by her belt loops and proceeding to sway to the music. The next few hours were a blur. All Q could remember were the drinks followed by dancing and more drinks. While Kat danced with the women who approached her, she made sure to keep Q within sight knowing that she would make a beeline for a stool if given the chance. At one point, Kat screamed something about her favorite song, grabbed Q by the waist and proceeded to grind on her. Not realizing the whole of the situation, Q let the music take her over and the feel of Kat's skin upon hers was almost too much. "God I love you,' Q let out in a whoosh of desire and intoxication. "What?" Kat shouted over the music. Q's hazy alcohol brain snapped back to reality. Oh what had she done. Q stepped back to judge Kat's face. Her eyes were gleaming and sweat was glistening under the dance floor lights, but the look on her face was one of earnest and clearly she had not heard Q. "I said God I love this song!" "Oh me too." Kat replied back. "It's almost close. Ready to head out?" Q asked. Kat nodded her head and the two headed for the doors, but not before Q gave a small wave to Betty who mouthed back 'Tell her.'
The night air had gotten slightly cooler, but it felt great to Q who had spent half the night pushed close to Kat her body throbbing at the casual touches they shared while dancing to song after song. Q had taken about ten steps when she realized Kat was no longer by her side. Panic started to overtake Q and she quickly whipped around to see Kat leaning against the side of the building. "You okay?" Q asked gently. "Yeah, this wall is helping me stay upright,' Kat replied while lightly slapping the bricks with her hand. Q should have known better. This happens a lot when they go dancing. Kat may be a lot of things, but a heavy drinker she was not.
"Come on lightweight,' Q lightly jabbed while placing one arm around Kat's waist and slowly walking back to their apartment. The walk home took longer than the walk to the Warehouse, but Q didn't mind. She would do anything for Kat and making sure she got home safe was her current goal. Once the got back to their building, Q placed Kat against the wall, fumbled for her keys, and finally managed to get the door unlocked. After getting Kat through the door, up the three floors (thank god for elevators) and into the apartment Q was ready to hit the sheets.
Q walked Kat to her room where the taller girl flopped into bed not even bothering to take off her shoes. Q took off the left shoe for her and then the right. Placing the Chucks by the bed, Q stood up about to make an exit for her own room and bed when Kat stopped her in her tracks with the touch of her soft hand upon Q's. "Thanks for getting me home safe,' Kat said with a small slur in her voice and she interlocked her fingers with Q's. "You're the best,' she continued as she lazily drew patterns on Q's interlocked hand with her thumb. Q felt like a deer caught in headlights. She didn't know whether to stay or make a mad dash for her room. It was almost too much for her heart to take. Kat was drunk and they were just friend, roommates right? Q sighed, unlocked their hands, and tucked Kat into bed. "Night." "Night Q." Kat whispered before letting sleep wash over her.
Q slowly walked to her room, undressed, threw on an old t-shirt and a pair of boxers before warily climbing into bed and replaying the events of the night. All Q could do was think of Kat's body pressed against hers as the danced, the beauty and playfulness in her eyes as she enjoyed one song after the next. It was almost too much. Jumping out of bed, Q headed to the shower allowing the water to calm her fiery nerves and jumbled heart before she too found the solace of sleep and the promise of another day.
Lazy Sundays
Q loved lazy Sundays. They were the perfect companion to follow drunk Saturdays. Sleep until noon, stay in comfy sweats, watch movies. It was a small piece of heaven without having to leave the apartment. Kat, on the other hand, was up and at the gym by nine, then a run to clear her foggy head. She was the ying to Q's yang. This Sunday was no different.
Q stretched lazily before rolling out of her empty king sized bed. It wasn't as if she couldn't get a girlfriend. In fact she had quite a few lately: the quirky librarian, the drummer obsessed with cooking shows, the dancer...oh the flexible dancer...but none of them felt right. None of them felt like...
"Home,' she heard Kat call out from the front door. Q had just put on a pot of coffee and had turned to ask Kat how her run was when she found herself unable to speak. Kat's toned skin still had a soft sheen of sweat on it, her ponytail was a bit chaotic, and she had a leaf stuck on the shoulder of her workout shirt. Q gently reached out and pulled the leaf away twirling it in her hand like it was the most fascinating thing she had ever laid her eyes on. When she finally looked back up, Kat was looking at her with a bemused smile. "I am going to change into something more comfy. Pour me a cup would ya? You know how I like it." Kat said giving a small smile and then turning toward her room.
A few minutes later, there were two cups of hot coffee ready and waiting on the end table next to the couch. Q moved to the small dvd collection she had stacked next to the TV. Carefully she debated with herself on which movie was going to make the cut on this particular lazy Sunday. Q had just picked up the movie when she heard Kat walk up behind her and settle on the couch. "So what did you pick?" Kat asked while sipping on her coffee. Q turned around to show Kat her pick. "Clue again, really?" Kat asked. Q was about to come back with a sarcastic reply, but stopped short when she noticed Kat's choice in sweatshirt. "Are you wearing my favorite sweatshirt?" Q asked. "Yeah, I thought I would stay in and watch a movie with you and this sweatshirt is so soft. Is, uh, that okay?" Kat asked while setting her empty coffee cup back on the end table. Q didn't answer right away, too consumed drinking in the sight of her roommate wearing her sweatshirt. Snapping out of it, Q quickly assured her it was fine and turned to put the dvd into the player.
If an outsider were watching this lazy Sunday unfold, the first thing they would notice is how tightly Q hugged the other side of the couch. What was supposed to be relaxing looked more like some form of torture. Q grabbed a blanket to create a buffer, but instead Kat grabbed the other end throwing it over her lap. So much for space thought Q. As the movie started to play, Q slowly started to unwind and soon started lip synching the lines. This was her favorite movie after all. "Are you lip synching the lines?' Kat asked with a giggle. All Q could do was shoot a crooked smile Kat's way, but Kat wouldn't let it go. "Goof,' she said and lightly poked Q in the ribs. Q grabbed Kat's hand in an effort to make the poking stop and the next thing she knew Kat had managed to intertwine their fingers. Q didn't know what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to disengage, but her heart didn't ever want her to let go. She looked over to see Kat had turned her attention back to the movie, but left her hand softly pressed together with Q's. That's the way they stayed until the last credit rolled.
"Thanks for the blanket, movie, and coffee. I can see why you love your lazy Sundays so much.' Kat said before looking up at the clock hanging above the television. "Shit, I have to go get ready. Thanks again for letting me borrow your sweatshirt." And with that, the warmth of Kat's hand was gone replaced by a longing Q couldn't comprehend.
Twenty minutes later Kat was on her way out the door looking stunning and Q couldn't help the sense of jealousy that washed over her knowing that it was all for someone else. Q decided that maybe a nap would help her forget the feeling of perfection in her hand for that one glorious hour. Getting up from the couch, Q trudged back to her room only to find a green lump on her bed. Her favorite sweatshirt. Picking up the sweatshirt, Q brought it to her nose. It smelled of Kat. She sighed, took off the shirt she had on and put on the sweatshirt. Enveloped in Kat's aroma, Q laid down on her bed, pretended Kat's arms were firmly holding her tight, and drifted off to sleep.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
People who say time heals everything....they lie
I can't stop thinking about her. It's been well over a year. I still have vivid dreams of her I never want to wake up from. I still miss her, need her, crave her, want to be with her. I miss her laugh, talking to her.
I never want her to go away. I wish she were here and didn't choose to leave. To give us a shot. She is always in my mind and heart. Haunts me in my dreams, but I would rather be tortured by the ghosts and shadows of her then have nothing at all.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
And I'm back! The Flat White is here!
So I am back, not that anyone cares because I really write this for myself. It's been awhile. Had a lot going on. Things are back to "normal" I suppose.
So I was the freaking happiest Starbucks drinker this past Tuesday. They finally brought the Flat White to the U.S. I have been wanting/craving this espresso drink ever since my trip to the UK and Ireland. I first tried it at a Starbucks on High Street (the Royal Mile) in Edinburgh Scotland after it was suggested by our tour guide....that's how much I like it....I still know exactly where I tried it at. It's completely different from my normal drink orders....although I am sure it will be my new normal drink now that it is finally here. So happy over such a little thing. Yay Starbucks!
So I was the freaking happiest Starbucks drinker this past Tuesday. They finally brought the Flat White to the U.S. I have been wanting/craving this espresso drink ever since my trip to the UK and Ireland. I first tried it at a Starbucks on High Street (the Royal Mile) in Edinburgh Scotland after it was suggested by our tour guide....that's how much I like it....I still know exactly where I tried it at. It's completely different from my normal drink orders....although I am sure it will be my new normal drink now that it is finally here. So happy over such a little thing. Yay Starbucks!
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