Crowded rooms and spilled wine

There are a Merlot spots on the wood
Stains of parties past
Tiny shards of glass stuck between the beams
Shattered like my heart has been
Since you returned the key

The room is crowded now
As I meld into the wall
This may be my party
But the party mood is gone

I walk this room in a square
Wondering what I did wrong
For you to throw that glass of Melot
And bring my world crashing to the ground

Fortified Walls

They often call it your "Sweet Sixteen"

Well that bullshit isn't true

When I was sixteen I walked through hell

In many ways I still do

The images never go away

The pain it lingers on

Time often seems to stand still

Although many years have come and gone

If you look through my baby blues

And can't seem to get to my soul

It's because it is fortified by walls

Still standing,unwavered, from long ago

Change your view

If you are wandering around
Lost on what to do
Change your view

It's not the way you see things
Or what you think you know
It takes a heart to see the things
A brain can never know

So if the tears will not relent
And all emotion is good and spent
Never forgot your heart speaks true

Listen to it as it drums
"I am here for you too
Let me show you a new light
And how to change your view"

Distractions...

Ever get really distracted thinking of something or someone and the totally realize you just did something you would otherwise never do?

Things I have done lately:

-listened to an entire Katy Perry song (dislike her music) or that Happy song or DMB (ugh)
-missed a turn
-started going to the wrong place entirely
-watched some TV show/channel I don't care for

It is interesting what my mind will do when it is all consumed by something else

Topsy Turvy

Coffee cups with swirling patterns
Like the currents of my mind
Raindrops hitting windows
Like the way pain showers my heart
Puzzle pieces that make no sense
Vowels sound more like consonants
Up is down from what I can tell
My mind has become my personal hell

Black and White

Black and white like old movies
Like crayons from a box
Black and white striped zebras
Prancing around in delight
Black and white the color of a nun's clothes
As if to say a sinner must be close
Black and white situations
The bane of reality
For nothing is truly black and white
Not in the matters of the heart
I know that with complete certainty

Whispers

Sometimes in the night when all is quiet and still
I hear a whisper through the trees
Begging me to hold on
And I think that you are near

When I walk down the street
I hear a whispering song
I turn around expecting to see you
But I know in my heart you're gone

The whispers of your voice
They haunt my every dream
I ask for sweet release
Yet deep inside I scream

I miss the smile on your face
The way your eyes twinkle in the light
If whispers are all I have left
Let them continue to haunt me every night

Untitled WIP

Prologue

Welcome to Bell College home of the Pirates. You can find me almost every day at the Olympic size swimming pool housed on the west side of the campus. Am I a swimmer? No, far from it. In fact I can't swim. I can usually be found sitting in the top right bleacher with a laptop sitting on my thighs and Bose headphones in my ears.

Why would someone who can't swim hang out so much at a pool you ask? Even though I have an aversion to water, I find it calming and serene. My name is Desdemona Joan. Yes my mother actually willingly named me that. I go by DJ for obvious reasons. Also I love to spin. I DJ Monday through Wednesday night for our campus radio station so my nickname is only fitting. I use my time at the pool to create new mixes and occasionally study for exams.

The other reason I spend so much time here...her. Not the blond getting out of the pool now, the brunette next to her waiting on the starting block to take her turn practicing the 100 meter backstroke. Her name is Kat. Sorority sister, captain of the swim team, humanitarian, and one of the most popular students at Bell College.

And who am I? No one really.


Chapter 1

This story starts where most stories do: at the beginning, but more importantly at a frat party. I am not  really into parties where guys get super drunk, hit on every girl they see, and vomit at least once throughout the course of the evening, but my friend Scooter begged me to go. His name is actually Josh, but the first time I met him he had just tripped off a curb and smacked into a parked scooter. The name just stuck.

It was 9pm on Saturday September 28, 2014 and Scooter would be here any minute. Giving myself one last look in the mirror, I grab my favorite fedora and head out into the brisk night air.

Tales and Truths

Ever look in the mirror and think 'Why am I never good enough?' I don't fall in love with people easily. Sure I find people attractive etc, but it truly takes an amazing person to capture my heart. I have given my heart to 3 people in my lifetime. Lately I have been thinking about the last one.

She says she doesn't trust me although I have never given her a reason not to. I would never do anything to hurt her or break her heart....never on purpose. I miss her every day and I really thought we had a chance. I still wish we did. I know we have lives we can't change, but she is a part of me. Always will be. When she smiles at me it is like the rest of the world goes away. She gets me and I get her. Why are we always so afraid to take chances?

I have lost so many people in my life from disease that I never take a minute for granted and always replay the best moments in my mind. I live my life the way I want, love deeply knowing that any moment could be my last. I just wished I could live my life with her in it.

Love is complicated and messy. It has its ups and downs, but I will never stop hoping and believing that she will come back into my life.

When it comes to tales and truths, tell me what's your interest?

Rain

So I have been thinking about rain and how it is the most profound of all weather. I know that sounds asinine, but it is true. Rain carries such moods and emotions with it that no other weather can touch it...not even the sun.

There are songs about rain just like there are songs about sun etc, but only rain can drum up sadness, playfulness, romanticism, sleepiness without having to change form.

Staring longingly out on a rainy day wishing you were somewhere else, with someone else, being someone else all denote a tone of sadness just by looking at rain as doom and gloom. This version of rain is something I would call the Eyore effect. This is where sad songs fit in: Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head, Rain Rain Go Away and so on.

Rain can also be playful. Remember being a kid and jumping in puddles? Running around in the warm rain during the Spring and Summer without a care in the world? I do. There was a golf course near my house and when it rained a lot, it would flood. The neighborhood kids would all go play in the tiny pools the lack of drainage created playful and carefree while the rain continued to come down.

Rain is romantic? Sure it is. Why do you think so many of the greatest first kiss moments happen in the rain? The Notebook is a perfect example of that. How could you not watch that kiss in the rain and think "Damn I want that". Kissing in the rain is portrayed as sensual and sexy. Let's face it...rain is Mother Nature's lube. Don't believe me? Next time grab the hand of someone you desire while walking in the rain. It's electric.

How many people hate rainy Mondays? That's because rain can make people sleepy. You wake up Saturday morning to find it is raining...if you are anything like me....you look at the rain get tired and curl back up in bed.

Who knew tiny drops of water could convey so many different feelings.

So I have a lot of thoughts rattling around in my head so I figured I would give it a go. How hard can it be? This is only a test. Like all tests I study last minute and just let it flow...hopefully. I'll attempt a real post tonight.